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[discountlan]

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	» Age: 33 » Species: Human » A5 Card: Open » Seeking:A Way To Help Jin Guangyao » Preferences: Strong Warriors, Talented Soldiers, People Who Hate Gusu Lan Sect, People Who Know That A Family Name Is Not As Important As A Persons Earned Talent And Who Also Likes To Take Down Corrupt Overbearingly Archaic Cultural Systems » Interests: Jin Guangyao, Playing The Guqin, Jin Guangyao, Practicing New Cultivation Methods, Jin Guangyao, Creating And Improving Upon Cultivation Spells, Jin Guangyao, Teaching And Training Cultivation Methoods, Jin Guangyao, Lan Wangji, Jin Guangyao » Bio: Who is this dude? Truthfully no one knows. But supposedly he's a sad sad little man who doesn't know how to let things go. He was picked on a lot as a kid and because of it he's now that one guy that feels like he has everything to prove as an adult. Senpai didn't notice him, in fact, senpai refuses to acknowledge him. So he got a new senpai. He will do anything for him. Oh? And supposedly he made a sect of his own to spite everyone? Who knows. But he knows how to teleport really well and something about having a lot of holes? That's sure to come in handy.
	base code by photosynthesis
	Su She

Comments

[taintedpeony]

You are safe from the possibility of fucking Lan Wangji.

The only jade that is here is the first.

[His voice sounded a bit distant at the last bit.]


So you are safe in that regard at least. Though Xue Yang is not a bad candidate if you want to fill a rougher square. He usually knows what he's doing.

[Just don't expect emotional intimacy there.]

[discountlan]

[... What an ominous way to phrase that.

But he was happy to temporarily ignore the existential dread of eventually facing yet another person he had bad blood with in his last life for what was stated after that.]

Guangyao gongzi, please tell me you didn't actually.

[Oh no.

Were Xue Yang and Guangyao sleeping together? What a nightmare!]

[taintedpeony]

Sleep with Chengmei?

I did several times. He knows what he is doing and is good to fill out harder squares with.

And there are things I just do not have to worry about from him.

[No judgments or messy emotions. Just a nice animalistic fuck, an itch that needed to be scratched. There was freedom in that kind of relationship. Of course, he did intensely care about his friends well being as well.]

I would rather do things with him than some of the mistakes I have made here.

[discountlan]

.........



[Why? Why was this world this way? Why must they be spirited off to some place where his dear sweet precious friend, his kindest Guangyao had to go and force himself to sleep around with someone like that?

And apparently he's made worse decisions? What did he do? What did the horrid place force upon his sect leader? What cruel twist of fate was it for Guangyao of all people to be shoved into such a location and forced to preform such acts?]

I see.

[He was morbidly curious. But he knew better than to ask. After all, he respected Guangyao. He dare not force him to recall old bitter memories when he did not man to.]

I am so sorry sect leader. If there is anything I can do to improve your situation do not be afraid to ask. I would like you you never have to unnecessarily force yourself into situations that you would not prefer.

[taintedpeony]

The evidence is on my card if you wanted to know, names are usually attached to squares...

[He had nothing to hide really. They were the decisions he had made and terrible or not, he lived with it.]

I used to do that, force myself a lot. I have gotten better in recent months and only sleep with people who I can trust-fully. [How depressing was it to say that even while he slept with his sworn brothers he did not really trust them to really truly feel safe?]

It feels safer to do that. As out there as Chengmei is, he is someone I know will not harm me, not on purpose at least.

It is kind of you Minshan, but it is you that I worry about, my dear friend.

[discountlan]

[Oh, no matter how many times he had heard Ziyao explain it, he could not help but reel back emotionally from the horror of it all. A deep sadness pulled at his chest as he heard of his friends' struggles'. Back home, situations like this-- situations of a sexual nature, would hold such a heavy plight upon his friend. Sex meant a lot to him; it held a heavy weight. Not many people understood that when it came to the man once named Jin Guangyao.

But Su She knew more than most when it came to his friends' struggles. He knew all the trauma he had to endure, all the horrifying experiences that once surrounded anything intimate.

So what was it that Ziyao had endured that could suddenly make him so accepting and used to it all? And how intense must have it been that Ziyao could push decades worth of trauma and pain away within a matter of months?]

Jin Ziyao...

[There was a pain in the tone of his voice. How could he? How could his friend explain all this so callously and still worry about him instead?]

How can you be so hopeless to worry for the likes of me? How foolish. You should be caring and worrying about yourself, and yet this is how you respond?

[taintedpeony]

Minshan. How else am I supposed to respond? It is of course easier for me to focus on your struggle than my own.


Of course, I am speaking about it callously. If I think about what I had to do here, to survive, for what I thought I wanted, for what I thought they wanted of me... I will start crying again. [His voice was hoarse now. Of course, it was traumatic.]

I made myself do things, and even when I was with someone I had loved back then... I found myself leaving my body while it was happening. They even told me that they regretted sleeping with me and I regret sleeping with them too. So much. It hurts even more that I loved them. That if I can just be a good little whore for them that maybe they would love me.

This place broke me in a different way than the cultivation world did.

All I am trying to do is build up a person who can survive here, who can try and learn to be happy.

Minshan this is the only life we can have now.

Now...I have a cultivation partner now and sex feels good with them, but the truth is we are both coming from places where sex had brought up a lot of pain. I love them a lot. But we have so much work to do.

I'm sorry Minshan I really am. I am trying so hard here.

[discountlan]

Ziyao...

[The pain in Su She's voice only grew deeper. Oh, how he wished he was there to console Ziyao. As good as it was to hear his voice, he more so wished he could wrap his arms around the other man and protect him from all the horrible things life kept throwing his way.

He was glad that his friend had finally managed to find some peace with it all in his own way. But that still didn't save Ziyao from the pain of the experience.

Su She was so tired of seeing his friend having to endure all that.]

Why are you apologizing for something that others did to you? Aren't you the one always telling me to stop letting people get away with the pain they inflict? Aren't you the one who taught me to stand up and fight for myself finally? Don't be a hypocrite to your own advice, my friend.

[He hated being so hard on Ziyao, especially with how he knew he was ailing. It painted him. But this was some hard love that needed to be given.]

Ziyao. You are my friend, and I love you desperately, and it is because of that, I worry. Stop projecting your concerns onto me to distract from when you should be taking care of yourself.